Why The Internet Loves Rodent Boyfriends, but Detests ‘Ugly’ Women

Whoever said “looks aren’t everything” clearly never had to survive as a woman. Films and shows from the late 2000s made one thing clear: If you’re an awkward, inexperienced teenage boy, you can still land the hot girl-next-door and she’ll probably even find your social anxiety endearing. Being soft-spoken and mildly confused like Michael Cera is seemingly all it takes to win the beautiful girl over, as films like Superbad and Scott Pilgrim vs. the World proved that even gawky, average-looking boys can receive love.  

On the opposite end of the spectrum, women on television who defy conventional beauty standards and still get the attractive love interest often face intense public scrutiny. A striking example is Nicola Coughlan, who portrays Penelope Featherington in Bridgerton. During a Q&A event last year for the show’s third season, a male journalist remarked that she was “very brave” to take on the role — an offhand comment that revealed deep-seated biases about who is worthy of romance on screen. 

In a scathing article published by The Spectator titled “Bridgerton’s Big Fantasy,” the author (a woman) heavily shamed Coughlan for her body, and not her actual performance, saying: “Penelope’s frame is not generally named in Bridgerton’s world, but her bookish sexual marginality and apparent destiny to be unloved by Colin forever is clearly its result.” The piece repeatedly labelled her “fat” and stressed that it’s implausible for a woman like Penelope to catch the eye of a handsome aristocrat.

Meanwhile, the attractiveness gap in celebrity couples is ever-persistent, yet men rarely face the same scrutiny. Think of Lana Del Rey, Ariana Grande, and Selena Gomez — all icons, yet scrutinized for dating what the internet lovingly refers to as their “ugly boyfriends.” Grande’s beau Ethan Slater, for instance, has been mercilessly compared to Spongebob, a hark back to how he literally played Spongebob in the Broadway musical. And then there’s Benny Blanco, Selena’s fiancé, who the internet initially likened to Sid, the clumsy sloth from Ice Age.

At first, the response was brutal. But over time, Benny’s chill personality, goofy charm, and general refusal to act like a Hollywood robot started to win people over. So much so that Elle recently ran a profile on him titled, “Benny Blanco Is the World’s Greatest Fiancé.” As one user on Instagram commented, “we went from ‘why Benny’ to ‘where’s my Benny’ so quick.” And just last year, Blanco was named one of People magazine’s “Sexiest Men Alive” in their 2024 issue — completing the internet’s most surprising transformation arc: from ugly boyfriend to boyfriend goals. Turns out, the internet can be a forgiving place for ugly men: all you really need is emotional intelligence, a solid sense of humour, and the ability to withstand a thousand memes with your dignity (mostly) intact. 

When Looks eclipse Talent

But whereas netizens are quick to offer reprieve to men for looking like rodents, women in this day and age, sadly, are not afforded the same mercy. The recent hate-storm on The Last Of Us actress, Bella Ramsey, is all the proof we need of how much the internet hates women. As one user on X tweeted, “Bella Ramsey is one of the ugliest women on planet earth. She is also a mid actress at best, a woke clown and an awful cast for this part.” 

As sad as this is, Ramsey is not the first actress to be heavily criticized for her appearance, nor will she be the last. In the last decade, one actress who’s been relentlessly scrutinized for her image is HBO Girls’ creator and star Lena Dunham. In light of the show’s 13th anniversary last month, Dunham shared a candid and heartfelt Instagram post reflecting on the show’s legacy and her body image then: “As a result of my years dabbling in the comments section, the shifts in my human form — aging, illness, scrapes and scars — haven’t rattled me like they could have. This body had already been an object of scorn and so the rest of the road smoothed out before me. If that child in this photo produced such rage, then the losing battle of it all was just too clear to deny. I no longer believed that being thinner, taller, or tanner would save me.”

In a 2024 interview with The New Yorker, she opened up about her upcoming Netflix series Too Much, premiering this July — and why she won’t be starring in it, saying that: “Physically, I was just not up for having my body dissected again.”

This all goes back to 2013 — specifically the season 2 episode of Girls, “One Man’s Trash.” In it, Hannah (played by Dunham) spends a steamy weekend with a handsome, slightly older guy played by Patrick Wilson. Critics didn’t explode over the writing, but lost their collective mind because they couldn’t fathom a man as conventionally attractive as Wilson’s character willingly hooking up with someone like Dunham — who, in their view, was far outside his league.

Esquire dismissed the episode as “self-indulgent dreaming,” while Slate questioned the very premise, asking why these two characters — so mismatched in appearance, manners, and age — would ever plausibly end up in bed together. Entertainment Weekly took it even further and suggested that the tryst was not real, that the entire experience was just a dream conjured by Hannah. Because, naturally, guys like Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg can land anyone, but a woman like Dunham? Unthinkable.

Other actresses who have been the source of the internet’s scorn in recent months are Rachel Zegler and Madeline Brewer. In particular, Zegler, who starred in the recent live action rendition of Snow White, has become meme fodder with endless TikToks bashing her looks, comparing her to Lord Farquaad while insisting she’s a far cry from the actual princess. You don’t have to scroll very far to find comments calling her ‘Snow Brown.’

Meanwhile, Brewer, who recently joined You as the killer’s newest love obsession, faced a similar hate wave after the season’s debut, slammed as both “ugly” and a “bad actress.” Regarding the onslaught of hate comments, Brewer opened up to Glamour earlier this month, calling it “a twisted right of passage,” and how it’s something many other actresses continue to go through. 

The Hollywood Beauty ParadoX

It’s worth pointing out that men don’t actually have to do anything to earn the internet’s favor. Handsome or not, the chances of being the next heartthrob are evenly distributed. The internet finds a way to swoon over anything. The viral sensation of the “hot rodent boyfriend” subcategory last year is a testament to this, a term coined to celebrate the appearance of men like Jeremy Allen White, Adam Driver, and Josh O’Connor, who apparently bear striking similarities to rodents. Suddenly, looking vaguely feral became sexy — a win for scruffy, unwashed hair, beady eyes, and cheekbones sharp enough to slice ham. 

Even middle-aged white men aren’t exempt from the thirst wave. Enter the Walton Goggins Effect. In the weeks leading up to The White Lotus finale, fans were straight-up salivating over the 53-year-old, crowning him a sex symbol and crediting him with making receding hairlines hot. As Slate put it: “His hair is greasy. His eyes are bulging. I think I’m in love.” One Reddit user said: “[Goggins] has a wild intensity, a darkness, and unconventional attractiveness. It’s very sexy. But I also think Steve Buscemi is hot.” The bar for men isn’t just low — it’s underground. 

Goggins plays the grumpy misanthrope harboring a dark past in the show’s latest season, acting alongside Aimee Lou Wood, who plays his much younger, jovial girlfriend, Chelsea. While both actors have earned praise for their performances, the spotlight on Wood hasn’t been limited to her acting; in fact, a huge chunk of the conversation has been primarily about her teeth. 

Known for her signature gap-toothed smile, Lou Wood has been featured in countless articles zeroing in on her appearance following The White Lotus’ premiere. In April, Saturday Night Live aired a skit mocking her teeth, the butt of the joke being that she hasn’t heard of fluoride.

What’s interesting about the whole discourse is the contrast between how Goggins and Wood are portrayed. Both are being scrutinized for certain aspects of how they look, yet the tone is wildly different. Goggins is praised, hailed even, for making receding hairlines sexy. Wood, on the other hand, becomes the punchline. One’s a celebration of how charm trumps age and wrinkles. The other, a running joke. In an interview with GQ, Wood shared that there is a downside to having the spotlight rest on her teeth, even as it has become a symbol of freedom: “The whole conversation is just about my teeth, and it makes me a bit sad because I’m not getting to talk about my work.”

It’s unfortunate that for an actress like Wood, a BAFTA winner who’s done stellar performances even outside of The White Lotus, such as in Sex Education, her appearance is her defining marker. The problem doesn’t lie in the fact that the media zeroes in on appearances, it is Hollywood’s job to take things at face value. It’s that men aren’t faced with the same conversations surrounding beauty; there’s no one in the audience thinking “that man is too ugly for her.” Men are allowed to be desirable as long as they’re emotional, charismatic, or funny. Women, on the other hand, don’t get that kind of grace. For them, beauty isn’t optional. It’s everything.

If there’s one thing the internet has proven, it’s that men can get away with anything. Even being dead doesn’t stop them from having sex appeal; just take a look at Letterboxd and see the number of viewers lusting after Count Orlok in Eggers’ Nosferatu. I’m afraid that, for as long as the internet exists, the ugly boyfriend will live on and be exalted, his greasy hair and asymmetrical face passed down from one rodent king onto the next.