This was meant to be a review of John Shaw: Nuclear Winter, a movie that held its red carpet premiere at Gateway Mall 2, Quezon City, on the evening of September 8. But it turns out they didn’t have a permit from the Movie and Television Review and Classification Board (MTRCB) permit ready for that night, and could not legally screen the film to the hundred or so people in attendance. Instead, what they did was screen the trailer of the film three times.
And so, now Rolling Stone Philippines presents a review of a trailer screened three times.
The first thing we see, of course, is the blue MTRCB card telling us that the trailer is rated PG. It’s a good thing, at least, that they got the ratings board’s approval to show this trailer. Otherwise, this red carpet premiere would consist only of endless interviews with Danni Ugali, the movie’s director, his cast, and the various friends of the production who were invited to this thing.
The trailer opens with a disclaimer telling us that everything we’re about to see is fictional, fearing the audience might believe this is a documentary about a nuclear war that actually happened. Cut to what appears to be New York City and a series of explosions. A bridge collapses! A mushroom cloud that seems too small! A dust cloud consumes a child holding a stuffed bear! Horrifying!
“Are we all going to die?” asks a girl to the boy beside her, who seems to be younger than her. What a strange thing to ask someone younger than you, but okay. A black title card with white text: “A global crisis that should never happen,” as opposed to all those global crises that should happen.
Cut back to that scene with the kids, where we get an opposite angle. “I hope not,” replies an even younger girl in a hospital bed. We are eighteen seconds in, and it is already baffling. Was the first girl’s question not directed to the boy? Why are these kids so tuned in to their own mortality? What the hell is going on?
Mushroom cloud! Screaming! Children are hanging on for dear life over some sort of pit! This is clearly a global crisis that should never have happened. Another mushroom cloud.
‘Totally Real’
Cut to our hero, John Shaw, played by Filipino-Chinese actor Ron Chan, who is based in the United Arab Emirates and is also the film’s producer. His first line: “Okay, what do you need from me?” Cut to the opposite angle, and he is talking to a totally real person who is definitely not an AI-generated slop. The not-slop says that, based on initial findings from their leads, the people involved are from a terrorist group. The people involved with what? Who knows? I guess the explosions, or the children hanging over a pit? John Shaw seems completely blasé about all this, as he adjusts his jacket to get ready for ACTION.
Cut to a totally real car! This totally not AI-slop vehicle is driving on a road that has yellow, overgrown grass on either side, with trees that look like they were pulled from the African savannah. However, it turns out he is in Washington D.C., driving straight to the White House on a road that leads directly to the iconic landmark, which clearly exists, because AI is perfect and does not make mistakes. Not-slop continues to say that the terrorists are illegal immigrants, which might give us a hint at the politics of the film. Now I can’t say for sure, because this is just a trailer, but based on the very limited information we have, the movie is in favor of current U.S. policies.
A woman holds a knife up against a doctor’s neck while pointing a gun at someone off-screen. “I’ll cut your neck,” this woman threatens. “And blow her head.” Pause. “Into pieces.” At the premiere, the cast all talked about being first-time actors. I believe them.
Random shots of vehicles in the desert. A man in military gear exits a vehicle, and there is something off about him, but it’s hard to put a finger on it. Russian model Anastasiia Dymchenko, presumably playing one of the terrorists, says, “We are here to offer you one million dollars.” Pause. “If you join us.” The man replies, “Business. I like that.” Again, there is something very strange about this man. Maybe it’s his delivery? But everyone (from the AI cast to the real actors) has a strange delivery, so whatever.
Even Though
It is at this point that I started blacking out. There are a couple more dialogue exchanges between some real people whose voices sound entirely natural and say completely normal things like, “What’s interesting about you today?” We cut back to the kids, and a boy asks an older boy, “Is this the end of the world?” What is up with these kids? The older boy replies, confidently, that as long as there are still good people who will fight to save our future, the world won’t end. Cool beans.
Some butt rock plays over scenes of people fighting, shooting guns, driving cars and motorcycles, and stuff. The lyrics: “The fire on our heels break the chains, this is how it feels / We’re the thunder and the crash, we’re the pulse of the fight, the adrenaline rush.” I don’t know what any of that means, but sure.
“This,” a white man says, “is not the end.” And this turns out to be correct, at least in this instance. The title comes up. The blue MTRCB ratings card appears, and we go through the whole thing one more time. You don’t really notice anything once a trailer starts playing for the second time. Mostly, you are wondering if the production made a mistake. You let it wash over you, because surely they are going to rectify this mistake and the event can go on as planned.
“This,” the white man says with the same dramatic pause that all the real actors seem to have been instructed to use, “is not the end.” And again, this is accurate, because the blue MTRCB ratings card comes up again. This is, naturally, the part where you go mad, and you start seeing things that are not actually in the trailer. Is there a face in those mushroom clouds? Is it the devil? Do all the AI constructs have essentially the same face? Are those kids real? I fixate on the shirt of the older boy, which says “Even though.” Even though what? EVEN THOUGH WHAT?
“This,” the white man says, his words completely meaningless amidst the onslaught of existential dread that comes from watching this trailer three times, “is not the end.” Thankfully, it is actually the end. The end of the night, certainly, because it turns out they couldn’t screen the movie. But also, just the end. The end of everything. The end of us. How are we supposed to continue after this? What would be the point?
Would recommend. 10/10.
