Jackie and David first met on Cherry Blossoms, one of the oldest dating platforms that caters to those looking for quality “Filipino, Asian, and International” romantic partners. It was 2016 and David, a then 63-year-old Caucasian American visiting the Philippines, didn’t think anything would come of scrolling through dating profiles while on vacation. When he saw Jackie, a beautiful 21-year-old Filipino woman, something drew him to her.
“I noticed Jackie’s profile and I really liked what I saw, so I sent a message,” David shared with Rolling Stone Philippines. The couple sat close together throughout the call, with Jackie sitting so close to her husband that her legs folded over his outstretched knee. Jackie smiled widely and nodded along as David led the conversation. “[She] didn’t really look at my profile before going on our first date,” said David. “Maybe it was a lucky break for me that she didn’t know what I looked like.”
“For our first date, we had lots of Jollibee! Big spender over here!” Jackie laughed. During the call, there was something so sincere about the way she looked at David; she laughed at all his jokes and smiled as he told their love story.
“Jackie was so shy, I think it was because she was tired after coming off a graveyard shift,” recounts David, while Jackie nodded. “So I did most of the talking. Jackie did most of the listening. Despite the conversation being mostly one-sided, we both felt that there was enough of a connection there to continue getting together.”
From there, Jackie and David’s relationship only gained momentum. They survived going long-distance when David had to return to the United States after his vacation ended. After another trip to the Philippines in 2017, David met Jackie’s family and eventually asked her to be his wife. The two now live together in the United States.
During the pandemic, Jackie started posting TikTok videos that show her and David as a couple. In an episode of reality series Love Don’t Judge, Jackie shared her mission was to challenge the stigma surrounding age-gap relationships, particularly as she and her husband navigate a 42-year age difference.
“While I know that what we have is real and loving, unfortunately, we have received many negative comments about our TikToks,” said David. “People think that Jackie is in our relationship just to get a green card or that I’m her sugar daddy or that I’m paying her to be with me. They can’t believe that ours is a normal relationship based on love and mutual respect.” Jackie hummed in agreement.
We Listen and We Don’t Judge
Jackie and David’s relationship has all the usual beats of a Filipina dating a white foreigner: they meet, they fall in love, and they get so much flak for it. The criticism tends to come from Filipinos themselves, who often see interracial relationships like a betrayal of cultural norms. “It’s very embedded in Filipino culture,” said Dr. Earvin Charles Cabalquinto, a senior lecturer and Australian Research Council DECRA Fellow at Monash University. “If someone Filipino, especially those from the province or with a darker complexion, is with a Caucasian man, we automatically think, ‘Ah, green card.’ We need to undo and unlearn what we know because interracial dating partnerships are becoming more of a norm.”
It’s important to trace where these racial assumptions come from. The history of Filipina women becoming romantically involved with white men goes as far back as the period of American colonial rule in the Philippines, when the rise of matchmaking services and mail-order brides from the Philippines to the United States helped cement the stereotype of Filipinas as ideal housewives. “Foreigners, both then and now, are looking for this icon of a Filipina who is willing to do the household chores, take care of their children, or have their children,” said Dr. Cabalquinto.
However, the reasons that a Filipina woman might seek out a white partner now are much more diverse, ranging from the desire to be emotionally accepted to the search for compatibility. “There are so many reasons why a foreigner may want a Filipina [partner], and vice versa,” says Dr. Cabalquinto. “For example, women in the Philippines may not find Filipinos who accept parts of them, say if they were a single mother. There’s this stigma… we automatically think that the [relationship] is always economic, but it’s not.”
Additionally, and perhaps due to the Philippines’ complicatedly close relationship with the United States, our racial preferences in dating can often come down to the cultures we were exposed to. While working on this story, I interviewed multiple interracial couples on what drew them to each other. Whenever the subject of race came up, the response was an immediate caginess. Several women admitted that their type was white, but didn’t want their names associated with this view. Some were defensive and quickly changed the subject. Others remained silent.
To return to Jackie and David’s story: When asked what drew them to each other, David was the first to respond. “I found her profile very appealing,” said David. “You wonder about fate sometimes, you know? If I hadn’t logged onto Cherry Blossoms that day, I might never have met Jackie.”
After some prompting, Jackie replied, “I really didn’t have an idea of what he looked like. Really. I wasn’t looking for a guy. I just gave him my phone number.”
When the Biases Become Problematic
While many interracial relationships are based on genuine connection and love, we must acknowledge how some individuals and communities still reinforce harmful biases and dynamics.
Certain online communities, particularly those that cater to a specific type of foreigner wanting to date a Filipina, often objectify these women and reduce them to problematic stereotypes. In the subreddit r/Philippines_Expats, one discussion sparked comments that generalized Filipina women. “Filipinas tend to be more family oriented, traditional, shy, submissive,” writes one Reddit user. “They want to marry and have a [sic] children. They tend to always want to please their man sexually.” “Filipinos are (generalizing) focused on babies,” wrote another user. “They want babies. All they can afford. It is the focus of their life.”
Within the relationships, some Filipinas engage in a form of “othering,” distancing themselves from other Filipino women in similar relationships. “They think they’re different, even better,” said Dr. Cabalquinto. “That point of like, ‘I’m different, I’m with this partner because I’m educated, I’m not after the money, I’m not after the green card’ — that’s a form of differentiation, which can create more stigma because these women are discriminating against other women in the same position.”
Moreover, in some interracial relationships, one partner may exploit the relationship’s power dynamic over the other. Following the brutal murder of Filipina Marvil Facturan-Kocjančič by her Slovenian husband Mitja Kocjančič in December 2024, the Commission on Filipinos Overseas (CFO) released a statement urging Filipinos and their foreign partners to seek out the CFO’s counseling program to avoid cases of domestic violence.
“We need to be critical. There are women who end up being exploited, maybe because of their lack of knowledge,” says Dr. Cabalquinto. “Say Filipina women are in a [relationship] and they start to speak up, break away from the stereotypical housewife persona and show they have agency and can make their own decisions — that becomes a threat to men who want to keep these women in their same persona.” Dr. Cabalquinto notes that exploitation can take different forms, either as domestic or financial abuse.
“Women need to know they can choose to leave these sorts of relationships,” he adds. “We want everyone to know that they have the right to be with any person. But it’s a question of how to protect and support these women in their choices.”
