‘It’s How You Treat People, Pakikisama’: CHURCHLOVESU Talks Years of Queer Nightlife and Safe Spaces

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and Metro Manila’s queer nightlife scene could only be what it is today through years of fighting against prejudice, especially when nightlife was dominated by cisgender-heterosexual patrons not even half a decade ago. In the most literal sense, fighting is how CHURCHLOVESU’s Xtina Superstar and Paulo Castro came to be party organizers.

“Ang tawag sa amin ng mga kapwa naming nag-wo-work sa events and fashion was the ‘Negatrons,’ kasi parati kaming nang-aaway,” Castro tells Rolling Stone Philippines. “Bakit kami parati nang-aaway? During that time, sobrang normalized na if you’re a queer person, hindi ka papapasukin sa mga establishments, and walang lumalaban against that.”

He and Xtina have come a long way from forming their group, the Panty Monsters, in 2010. “Xtina would not be let in even if she was head to foot in Versace and YSL, kasi she was considered a crossdresser,” he says. “So sabi namin — pardon my French — bumuo kami ng grupo para sabihin, ‘Mga putang ina niyo, kung ayaw niyo kaming papasukin, gagawa kami ng sarili naming ganap.’ Gumawa kami ng event where you could be anyone you want [to be].”

“At that time, hindi pa uso yung term na ‘safe space,’” Xtina chimes in. “We didn’t even know that it was a safe space. We just wanted a space that would not judge us, and would accept us for who we are, which led us to doing CHURCH.”

CHURCHLOVESU threw its first party in June 2023 at Apotheka in Poblacion. The collective eventually absorbed DJ and illustrationist Jer Dee, who had worked at the nightclub. “I only started DJing seriously after the pandemic, and ngayon lang din ako naging organizer so I’m still trying to navigate all of these things while trying to be true to myself also,” he tells us.

In this interview, Castro, Xtina, and Dee sit down with Rolling Stone Philippines to talk about the beginnings of CHURCH, its sound, and what safe spaces in queer nightlife mean for them.

This interview has been edited for clarity and brevity.

When did you guys start organizing parties as CHURCH, and how did you form the collective? 

Xtina: Because I haven’t done a party for like 10 years or something, CHURCH was my first project. And a fun fact about it is that it was actually rejected twice. We couldn’t find a club that wanted to house us. It came to a point where I got so frustrated. They didn’t believe in the concept of CHURCH until Apotheka opened. And we [still] had to beg Marga [Bermudez] to house us, and we just said, “Matino kaming katrabaho, please, house our party.” Even [in] our first night, we were so scared. I remember it was like 9 p.m. and there were no people coming in. And I was like, “Oh my god, I think hindi tatauhan ‘tong party natin.” And I was telling Paulo, “I think it was the wrong decision to have a comeback in the nightlife scene.”

But come midnight, everybody just started coming in. I saw so many trans girls at the party, and I saw it as a sign that the party was going to do well, because the dolls got it on the first night. They understood the concept of CHURCH, of being a party and space for queer and trans people.

Paulo: We have a picture sa second floor ng Apotheka, which shows the two of us na mukha kaming balisa and tulala kasi ayaw naming bumaba, kasi we were so scared. And my husband was telling us nga, “Gago, bumaba na kayo, may mga tao na.” Also, at the time, Jer was working as the graphic designer, the artist.

Jer: Yeah, I was working as the art person in Apotheka, so I was also trying to push CHURCH.  Tsaka parang medyo malaking risk din ‘to kasi we wanted to house it on a Sunday, which is very risky. The normal time for people to go out was on Fridays and Saturdays. Kabado na rin ako noon. Pero nung pumutok na ng 12 a.m., parang oh my god, punong-puno tayo, parang ang saya.

How do you guys feel na mag-ti-three years na kayo?

Paulo: It’s so cliché to say that time flies when you’re having fun. Actually, hindi siya lahat fun. There was a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, and a lot of learnings. Because we’ve been doing this for so long, when we absorbed Jer, ang una naming chika sa kanya was, “Bakla, trabaho ‘to, ha?” Tapos na kami doon sa panahon na gagawa ng party para magpa-cool lang. May purpose ‘tong party na ‘to, meron tayong direction na gustong puntahan, and seryosong trabaho ‘to.

Xtina: The nightlife scene has always catered to straight people. So my goal for CHURCH is to give space to the queer and trans artists. I want to highlight them. I want to make them the bida of this party because there’s always a lack of queer and trans representation in the nightlife scene, and that’s why we strictly just get queer and trans DJs. The goal is to show people that queer and trans DJs are also good at playing — and some of the best.

Anong hinahanap niyo sa venue?

Paulo: Aircon tsaka banyo. Our first [party] outside [Apotheka] was Baked Studios, with the help of our friends from ISSY [Cosmetics]. Basta, malaki and malawak.

Jer: May ventilation.

Xtina: For the anniversary, we made sure to get a really big space to accommodate everyone. Basically, a big space with good ventilation. Sound system is really something that I’m very OC about because if the sound system is really bad, it would affect the mood of the whole night. Now we’re working with Hideki [Ito] from Waaarp Systems, because I trust him very much when it comes to the acoustics of CHURCH. 

When it comes to music, is there a specific genre or sound that you gravitate towards?

Xtina: It’s just like fun music. I’m not snobby when it comes to music. Yes, most of the songs we play are techno, high-energy, house, but I don’t tell the DJs to play just that. They can play pop, disco.

Paulo: One thing we do ask every DJ is to end their sets with one unapologetically cheesy pop song.

Xtina: Even before, I would play OPM, and people would stare at me. And they would be like “Ang baduy,” or something. This was back in 2010. 

Paulo: When we talk amongst ourselves, we use the term na “may kembot.” That’s how we describe the sound of CHURCH. It’s halu-halo, but may kembot.

Xtina: I don’t know how to explain, but even the techno that we play sounds gay.

What’s the “cheesiest” song you guys have played?

Xtina: Dami sis! Dati, nagpapatugtog kami ng SexBomb [Girls].

Paulo: Naalala ko ‘yung event na pinapaalis tayo. Nagpatugtog ako ng “Basketbol” ng Viva Hot Babes, tapos nagalit sila.

Jer: Whitney Houston.

Xtina: My favorite moment at CHURCH was with Judd [Figuerres]. This was at the ISSY event. He was playing all techno, and then the last song was “All the Lovers” by Kylie [Minogue], and everyone just started clapping. It was such a good moment.

Paulo: One of my favorite moments is when you [Xtina] played “Gusto Ko Nang Bumitaw.” 

Xtina: Which was remixed by the legendary Brian Cua.

What are the challenges of organizing a party specifically for queer people? And how do you overcome them as a group?

Paulo: The challenge is always ‘pag merong any sort of prejudice that you encounter, which usually happens lang naman if you do it in a place na hindi ikaw mismo ‘yung may hawak from the ground up.

People that we work with, from the bouncers to the suppliers, are usually those who work with queer collectives. So alam na nila. But even then, we still do a crash course on SOGIE sensitivity.

Xtina: Before we start the night, we make sure na we do a SOGIE talk sa lahat ng staff namin, just to be safe, even with the door bitches, so they don’t misgender someone. I don’t want anyone, especially the kids, to be misgendered.

Paulo: Because of what she [Xtina] went through. We’re happy that CHURCH is going the way it’s going now, that we’re in charge of it from start to finish, kasi nga pinagdaanan namin lahat ng hirap and discrimination and prejudice. Kaya kami nandito.

Xtina: When we do our party now, it’s like, “Okay what did we experience 10 years ago that was bad, so the kids now don’t have to experience it?”

The concept of “church” as it pertains to your collective is obviously a reclamation of the Catholic or Christian church, which has been an oppressive force on members of the LGBTQ community. Why reclaim the church? Why not create something different altogether?

Paulo: Well, una kasi Sunday ‘yung party namin. So sabi namin, “Parang cute na CHURCH ‘yung pangalan.” But [we use] “church” not just in the religious sense, but also parang parokya ng kabaklaan. It’s also to create a home for ‘yung kabaklaan na bet namin gawin.

I used to be very religious. I think a lot of queer kids, especially those raised in exclusive Catholic schools, found a lot of safety and love through religion. But as you’re growing up, that thing that used to give you security actually turns into your first bully. So that’s why it was so important for us, since Sunday naman ‘yung party natin, laliman na natin.

Xtina: And as you can see, it’s called CHURCHLOVESU, because if you hear the word church, sometimes, it has a negative connotation.

Paulo: Kaya din unofficial muse namin si Pura Luka Vega.

I know CHURCH has worked with LoveYourself on occasion to advocate for trans health. But outside the community, there is a perceived danger that comes with nightlife and, more specifically, queer nightlife. Do you think there’s something about the concept of safe spaces that the public misunderstands?

Paulo: To the straight public, just keep on misunderstanding us, and stay the fuck out of our spaces. Think the worst that you want to think. ‘Wag na lang kayo pumunta, hindi namin kayo kailangan. 

Pero ‘yung topics of STD and substance abuse, hindi kami nagkukulang ng paalala sa mga bagets. Even when we’re the most crowded, we remind them that LoveYourself for free testing. You get free PrEP. They even have a mental health arm called Flourish and a trans health arm nila na Transcend. And anytime that any of the kids wanna talk, we’re free naman to talk to them.

A safe space for me is if ‘yung mga batang walang pamilya, ‘yung mga batang walang acceptance, ‘yung mga batang nagtatago sa bahay at sa trabaho, sa eskwelahan nila, kung pumunta sila sa ‘yo, they feel safe.  Hindi ikaw ‘yung magsasabing safe space ka. Manggagaling ‘yun sa mga taong pumupunta sa ‘yo at nakikilala ka.

I think that before they enter your ganap, they need to see that you have [made] an effort to make sure that they are safe. Syempre sasabihin mo na sensitive kayo about SOGIE, na hindi tinatanggap dito ang transphobia, all of that. But also, in my experience personally, people feel if it’s genuine or not. You can do everything right on paper, pero you can go somewhere and still not feel safe there. It’s how you treat people, it’s how you communicate with people, pakikisama. They feel your malasakit eh.

What is it about dance or nightlife that is so important to the LGBTQ community in the Philippines specifically?

Xtina: Some queer kids treat the party as their home. I’ve experienced that as well. They go to Nectar [Nightclub] or something, because they know that the crowd is full of queer people na they think that they wouldn’t get judged for whatever problems they have in life. It’s not just a dance floor for me. It’s not just a club or a rave.

Paulo: Because of the experience of being outsiders, when you find a space where you’re celebrated, when you find people like you.

Xtina: When we first got into this, we never really had a goal. It just flourished into something beautiful, where our parties nurtured a lot of personalities who are now super successful in their own field. That’s just how I see it, na parang it’s really a community that builds culture and people.

What has changed within the collective and within the bigger scene since CHURCH started?

Xtina: Definitely in the right and good direction right now. Partying 10 years ago was so different from partying now. We’ve been in a progressive way of being more cultured and accepting when it comes to everything. I’m happy to see a lot of queer parties that are going around, kasi before, parang kami-kami lang. I’m so happy to see all these kids thrive in the nightlife scene. It’s good to see a lot of queer representation in the nightlife scene. I just wish that it gets bigger and bigger pa.

Paulo: And also sa sobrang laki na ng queer scene, nagkakaroon na nga ng divide. Ngayon, meron nang mga bading na gusto lang pumunta sa bar para manood ng drag performers. Tapos mayroon nang mga bading na gusto pumunta sa mga parties where you just dance all night, na walang performers. So mayroon nang naghahanap ng iba’t-ibang eksena. Kumbaga’y marami ka nang options. I think that’s a good thing. Like kung gusto mo na lang ng drag, gusto mo na lang mag-party for dancing, like you can do that lang.

Jer Dee, you entered the nightlife much later than Xtina and Paulo. What is your perspective on the city’s nightlife scene, as a younger queer person?

Jer: It was also different pre-pandemic, iba ‘yung eksena before 2020. Our safe haven then was Today X Future, or like Nectar, and then all of them closed down. It came to a point na lahat tayo, we were guessing “Okay, saan na tayo pupunta?” I guess Apotheka became a big catalyst for that also kasi nauna ‘yung CHURCH tapos biglang following nun, may mga other queer parties na. I’m still trying to navigate that because compared to them [Paulo and Xtina], my history with the nightlife is so… I’m more of in the now. I only started DJing seriously after the pandemic and ngayon lang din ako naging organizer so I’m still trying to navigate all of these things while trying to be true to myself also.