Diego Castillo of Sandwich on the Radical Power of Fatherhood

I’m not a father, but I’ve recently been obsessed with talking to fathers of all ages. I have rowdy childhood friends who’ve grown to be something more than what I ever thought was possible for them. Those of a certain age have shared lessons with me on what it takes to build a family over the course of decades. Whether it’s their desire to fill a void or their grounded attitude in fulfilling the innocent requests of a toddler, fathers have a weighty presence that leaves me curious to dig deeper. Their insights have led me into a world that feels simultaneously alien, yet strangely familiar. 

Which brings me to Sandwich guitarist, DJ, and all-round musician Diego Castillo, who, alongside his wife Nikki Veron Cruz-Castillo, has raised Elvis — perhaps the coolest four-year-old in the universe. If you follow Castillo on Instagram, you might get lucky and see Elvis bopping to Phoenix, the French indie band, or playing the drums to the Eraserheads anthem, “Alapaap.” Seeing this father-son connection feels like the antithesis of social media doom scrolling, and in a world that feels on the brink of catastrophe, what is it like to raise a child without losing hope or succumbing to fear?

In this candid interview, I talk to Castillo about being a first-time dad, what advice he got from his bandmates, and the music he and Elvis listen to.

This interview has been edited for clarity and brevity. 

When I asked my cousin-in-law what the most tiring part was about being a dad, he said “everything.” Then when I asked him about the most rewarding part, he said “everything.” I’m curious about your answers to both. 

I agree. It is going to sound cliche, but I agree 110%. The most tiring thing is everything, and the most rewarding is, in fact, everything. It’s 24/7. It does not stop.We have those nanny cams downstairs and upstairs, whether I am at home, whether I’m at shows, I’m always monitoring. I’m always looking out [for] how he is. I’m eavesdropping. I want to see what’s happening. So, I’m worrying a lot. Can I tell you a story? 

Of course.

We had a very, very difficult pregnancy. Nikki got pregnant at the super height of the pandemic. We’re in a super lockdown.  [There were] no vaccines. It’s like a zombie apocalypse, and she’s pregnant. Everything we thought our parents, or my bandmates like Raimund [Marasigan] or Myrene [Academia], would teach us about having kids, none of that was available. Books can only take you so far. I [was] not really equipped. I didn’t know what to do. To make a long story short, we were at the hospital, and I’m told I [couldn’t] be inside the delivery room because there [were] still protocols during COVID. The delivery was so long. Nikki had a 28-hour delivery.  She developed a fever, and that’s a tell tale sign there’s something wrong. It’s a sign for a normal person ‘di ba, so lalo na, when you’re in delivery. I’m not stupid. I knew that, but I’m not trying to panic. 

While I was there, the five other fathers [who] were with me [were] in separate places. Maririnig or malalaman ko na na deliver na mga baby nila. So, I remember I was just by myself. There was nobody I could visit. I can’t even visit my wife. I can’t even comfort Nikki, until somebody finally says I can go in. 

I’m sure you know but let me ask you. In movies when the baby comes out, what’s the first thing that happens?

The baby cries.

I could have sworn he wasn’t crying. At first, I [thought], oh that’s weird. He finally cries, but very faintly. I asked the doctor, “Doc, that’s weird. Wasn’t he supposed to cry a little bit harder?” 

We forget about this. But after two days — and here’s the horror of all horror stories — we’re discharged. And because of proctol, we’re told the baby has to be covered. I pick up the car, and the nurse delivers mother and child in the backseat, then removes the cover [from Elvis]. We’re driving out, and Nikki says, “Wow, he probably loves the car so much because he stopped moving.” Then Nikki tells me he isn’t breathing. If we made this into a movie, you would never believe it. 

I parked the car in the middle of traffic. We’re still somewhere near. I can still see the hospital. We literally carried the boy in our arms, and ran back to the hospital. Nikki had a C-section. She can’t even move but she’s running with me, and I beg people at urgent care to help me. I hear the alarm going Code Blue. They take the boy from me. He is not breathing. And I can see them giving CPR. I could hear the PA system. We don’t hear anything for four or five hours. Still, we’re told that they’ve stabilized him.  I didn’t know what to do. I’m calling sina Myrene, I’m calling my mom…  We’re not even crying at this point. 

We’re told he has to go to the NICU [Neonatal Intensive Care Unit]. [That place is] like the worst thing ever made by man, right? [Elvis] had a neurologist, he had a cardiologist. He had all these doctors. [I’m] in that state where [I’m] not even trying to find out exactly what happened or  who’s to blame, [I] just want this boy to live. This is the stuff that destroys you. This is the thing that makes you insane. 

So, when I say this child is a miracle — because we were told that he wasn’t going to develop [properly] — and then you see this boy… Elvis is not only super smart; he’s already smarter than me, and I’m a middle-aged man! He’s incredibly talkative, strong, brave, [and] funny. I am incredibly protective. I had to let this out [because] when you ask me a simple question like, “Do you get worried?” Everything worries me. I try to be brave. We’ve moved on, but it’s easier said than done.

I don’t want to use the word trauma lightly. Because whatever the trauma is, it doesn’t just go away.

It’s hardcore. We took all the specialists we could find. We got a neurologist for Elvis and after a year and a half, he goes, “I don’t know how to explain it, but you don’t need me anymore.” I’m not religious but I will not lie, I pleaded to the Big Man upstairs. I said, “I’ll be the nicest guy in the world if you just give this boy a chance.” So, I honor that deal I made. 

I often hear about how transformative being a dad is. Did it feel instant for you? 

Prior to all of this happening, movies [taught me] that when you finally see your first born, you’re going to feel this overwhelming sense of joy, [and] that this is my purpose. Here’s the truth: I didn’t feel that. I’m being honest. Okay, I love him, don’t get me wrong. But because we were in the middle of a pandemic, I was more worried about my wife. I was more geared towards taking care of Nikki because, at that point, I didn’t know this child yet. Nikki’s my best friend. I am not going to lose my best friend, you know? This is the love of my life. 

How did you get there?

Now, Elvis is my barkada. He teaches me, at this point. I don’t want to do anything except hang around the house with him. I realized little by little what it meant to be a father. 

It took some time. I kept on reading to him. I’d play him music. But for the first year of his life, I thought nothing was happening until he grew up. And then I realized, all those stories, all those songs, all those things got to him. You put in all this time and effort and, apparently, all of this yields something. All of a sudden, you get kind of excited, because you see there’s a sense of humor. This weird sense of humor that, yes, he picked up from his parents. Conversely, I’m also becoming a better person. I don’t cuss anymore. Those little things. I’m very mindful of myself, because, as opposed to words, I realized the boy follows what I do.

That’s sort of connected to something I wanted to ask. What did you learn from Elvis or what did Elvis teach you?

By nature, I’m a frenetic person. Everybody knows this. But now, [I’m] dealing with a child, so I have learned to slow down. I’ve learned to experience all of these little things. It’s delayed gratification. You’re doing all of this, and all of a sudden, these kids wake up one day and they have [taken] this giant leap. It taught me that patience is the key to victory here, which is something I didn’t really have. I’m still learning, but I’m [trying to be] a lot more respectful, a lot more patient. 

As a sidebar, we didn’t have our moms or lolas to teach our kid. We didn’t have any of that, so we hired Ate Edith, our kasambahay, who is a veteran of raising kids. She is basically the person who taught me everything about raising Elvis. The first lesson she told me is that the child can sense your apprehension. They can sense that you’re in a hurry to get the hell out of dodge. She’s right. I am so nervous [from] what happened that I wasn’t really enjoying the moment. I noticed that Elvis reacted so much differently every time I was in a bad spot. Like if I have a bad day, he can tell, and he just stays quiet. He knows something is up. So that’s the great lesson: centering yourself, just being; living in the moment, and not being such a… you know. [Laughs]

You’ve mentioned your bandmates in Sandwich and how they supported you during the pregnancy. I’m curious about the advice they gave you, which you still hold onto today. 

Myrene said it best when she told me to enjoy all of it, because it all happens incredibly quickly. My wife and I were in a hurry for those first three to 12 months, that first year of his life, to move forward. Now we miss it. Can you imagine how crazy that is? That was when we didn’t sleep. [Laughs] At that time, we were like, “When does this end?” We would sometimes get into fights because we were so overworked. And remember, there was a pandemic going on pa. Now, all of a sudden, he’s four.

As a musician, how great does it feel to see Elvis really get into music?

Thankfully, he loves listening to records. He’s very enthusiastic about the stuff I like, much to his mother’s chagrin. Nikki would joke na I’m creating a mini me. [Laughs] I just want him to discover what he wants. One of the great tricks I’ve discovered is I also give him a choice. “So, what sort of music do you want to listen to?” Elvis always tells me, “Faster, faster.” So, I already know he has opinions of his own. Sometimes this upsets me. [Laughs] Parang, you don’t like the slower Phoenix song? “No! ‘1901,’ ‘1901’ again!”

Well, it is a hit for a reason. 

He went through the Eraserheads, he went through Pedicab, and Sandwich. Then he admittedly got me into Ben & Ben. Kasi we watch a lot of Wish Bus on YouTube. We watched the Sandwich videos, then Pedicab, and of course, he loved all of it. But when we got kind of tired of watching all of it, he started to watch Ben & Ben. Oh my god, we’ve probably heard it one billion times. Then he got into IV of Spades, and ‘yon talaga you can see may magic. He just heard “Mundo” and he went berserk. He knows all the parts. 

I don’t want to leave this part out, and you’ve really shared how Nikki has been such a great mother. I wanted to ask how marriage changes or grows after having a kid. What have you learned from each other and your marriage since having Elvis?

Okay, that’s a great question. And for anybody reading this who, in the future, wants to have kids, your relationship is going to change. The dynamic is going to be so much different. There are also different chemical reactions the mother will go through. You become a lot more attuned to what’s happening to each other. Your bond becomes different, but stronger as well. You carry, as corny as it sounds, one another. You have to huddle and power through, and you have to spend time together. I know you’re asking me for advice, so you need to schedule dinners. You have to schedule all of these things for each other. You need to schedule some alone time. Quality time when you’re not talking about what happened to Elvis today. You really need that. That’s what strengthens the stuff.

And I just have to say that Nikki is the bomb. I tell Elvis all day, every day, “Do you know why mama is working?” “She is working for me.” “Exactly, she is working for you.” I ask him, “Who do we love the most?” “Mama.” Whatever perceived “good” I’ve done as a father is also because I have a partner that shows me how this is done in her own way. Nikki inspires me to be the best version of myself. Not only Elvis, but for everyone.

Before this interview, you messaged me about wanting to talk about how being a dad and raising a child is one the most radical things you can do to change the world. 

I really have this crazy notion that raising kids is one of the most radical things you can do to change the world. Because people always tell me, “I don’t want to have kids because this world is ruined.” True. I will not argue, especially in the state we’re in now. Just read the news. So, I agree 110%. Of course, why would you want to bring a child into this? However, I also believe that, in the most radical way, I’m going to raise a kid who’s going to try and change this narrative. He’s going to be kind. He’s going to be brave. He’s going to be understanding. He’s going to be loving. He’s going to embody this with his whole heart. 

Of course, somebody will always say that’s just one boy. Once he gets into the real world, he’s going to be corrupted, just like everybody else. No, I refuse to believe that. What if it’s the other way around? What if he wins over one of his friends? Now, there’s two of them.

How did having a child affect your relationship with your parents?

I find myself incredibly more thankful to my mom and my dad. I call my mom religiously now to thank her. She took care of five children. I’m the only son of my mom, but she took care of other kids like her own talaga. I don’t know how she did it with grace, with dignity, and with humor, you know? And she’s still working. Like, she’s pushing 80. She’s 77 and she still works. My mom’s an English [Literature] major, and I saw how she was able to parlay that because of who she was [and] her knowledge. She’s smart. She’s not a banker but she became the senior vice president of BPI [Bank of the Philippine Islands]. They pirated her when she was working in advertising. 

So with Elvis, I’ll teach whatever it is I can. I can only go so far. But you know, if he’s interested in something, then we’re going to do this. There is absolutely nothing [he] cannot do. We’ll be happy whatever the result is. At the end of the day, I want him to know as well that if you do your best with all your heart and with no regrets, then you’ve lived life to the fullest.