Every painting by Ayka Go looks and feels like a technical feat. Having dedicated the past decade to painting the folds and crinkles of paper, Go has mastered the art of turning her paper subjects into objects rife with meaning. A large-scale paper crane becomes a metaphor for her own journey as an artist. A dark blue, torn piece of paper morphs into a meditation on grief. And a painting of red construction paper ripped and stitched down the middle transforms into a navigation of Go’s own womanhood.
Although Go has showcased her artwork in exhibitions across the Philippines, Thailand, Australia, and France, she steps into the national spotlight once again this year as the featured artist of Art in the Park. Her paintings and collages, particularly the paper-centric piece blue, will be on full display on March 15 at the fair’s 20th anniversary, which returns to Jaime Velasquez Park in Salcedo Village, Makati.
“I was surprised because I didn’t think they were even thinking of me,” Go told Rolling Stone Philippines, laughing. “I remember joining when I was fresh out of college, and I wasn’t even sure then if I’d make it as an artist.”
A Lonely Time
The past few years have been tumultuous for Go, although she isn’t one to show it. She chooses to describe her pieces as “fun” and “playful,” stressing that creating them was always meant to be a therapeutic, zen-like process for her. “Whenever I go through something, tapos I start making art, parang biglang nawawala ‘yung feeling ko sa reality,” she said.
Go first began painting paper for her college thesis, in which she took the pages of her childhood diary and visually reinterpreted them as giant origami pieces. “Before, ‘yung themes ko were very childlike,” said Go. “Always about childlike wonder, childhood memories, ganun. But lately, because of an unexpected health crisis, parang they’re more focused now on maturity, on adulthood.”
During the pandemic, after experiencing chronic pain, exhaustion, and a whole gamut of unexplainable symptoms, Go had herself tested and was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease. “I didn’t actually realize how serious it was when we were testing it,” said Go on her autoimmune disorder. “But yeah, I learned that I’m post-menopausal at 31.”
Go admitted that the diagnosis had changed her perception of herself, and that the years that followed were a difficult, isolating experience for her. “When this happened, I wasn’t even thinking about painting any of it,” she said. “I was grieving for two years. And I was just going through it alone, kasi who in your 30s has friends who are infertile? Parang hindi siya pinag-uusapan, ‘di ba? Most of my friends are married [and] have children, so… it was such a lonely time for me.”
“But one day, sabi ko, ‘Oh my God, sasabog ako,’” she continued. “‘I have to paint this.’” Go eventually channeled her grief over her diagnosis into an exhibition titled “tending the garden,” which featured a series of giant, vulva-esque paintings that simultaneously evoked sex, loss, and Go’s complicated feelings towards her infertility.
Persistence is Key
Beyond pushing her to cover more challenging themes, Go’s diagnosis has also led the artist to make difficult choices when it comes to her process.
“Before, parang naisip ko na I have to produce, produce, produce,” she said. “I have to work. I have to push myself. But because of my current situation, I’m forced to slow down. That’s the opposite of how I was brought up!”
Things came to a head when Go’s doctor told her to slow down, as the physical and mental stress tied to her art-making was beginning to worsen her symptoms. “He told me na dapat tumigil na ako mag-art,” she said. “Sabi ko, ‘How can you say that to an artist, to stop making art?’”
A number of Go’s collages set to be featured at this year’s Art in the Park stem from that conversation with her doctor, as she refused to stop her practice despite being told otherwise. “Feeling ko if I stop… parang mababaliw din ako,” she said. “I’m an artist through and through.”
Finding the Joy
When asked if she hopes that viewers take away some of her recent struggles and difficult emotions from her paintings, Go simply shrugged. “Some people love my art, some people hate it: it doesn’t matter,” she said. “I’ve learned not to get so emotional about it. Your art won’t be for everyone.”
As this year’s featured artist at Art in the Park, Go is less excited about the title than she is about seeing crowds spend the day taking in the art of her and her peers. “Parang people are actively looking for art now,” said Go. “And there are so many new artists, and many of them aren’t super established. But at places like Art in the Park, they’ll get a chance to be seen.”
Regardless of how her diagnosis may change her lifestyle in the coming years, Go insists that it will never deter her from making art. “Oh, I’m going through a lot,” she said half-jokingly. “But at the same time, I still find so much joy in the art. I think as humans, all you can do is cope. And thankfully, I really enjoy what I do.”
